Dear God, It's me Ophelia.

Dear life, you suck.

So you know when you have those days when nothing is going your way and everything sucks, and clearly the world is plotting against you? Well, I am having one of those days and the cause of the problem is my boyfriend. 

Don't get me wrong -- he is wonderful and all.  But today he freaked me out… 
He ran into my room. 

Without announcing himself.
Without texting me first.
Without any explanation. 
Rude much?

So, he burst into my room and ran over to little old unsuspecting me.  He grabbed my wrist (which, by the way, hurt like hell) and then proceeded to grab my upper arm so he had a (very) firm grasp on my entire arm.  But then he kinda just stared at me. His eyes searched my entire face and he just stared at me and stared and stared almost as if he was trying to memorise my face or look at it for the last time. 

Gosh I hope he isn't suicidal. 

Then he shook my arm as if making sure it was real. 
Then he sighed. Not like a breath. 
He sighed as if everything bad in life had disappeared. 
Then he released me and turned his body but not his head.
That doesn't even make sense but that's what he did. He turned but never took his eyes off of me. 
He just continued to stare at me with lifeless, empty, brooding eyes.  Then he walked out of my room while looking at me. I mean he literally just stared at me and walked out. 

It is creepy really. Almost romantic… no it was really quite creepy. 

Trouble in paradise really is an understatement. 

I tried going to my dad about it… That backfired. 
He tried telling me that the only reason Hamlet is acting out of the norm is that he is in love with me. Which would be sweet if it were true. Or if Hamlet wasn't freaking me out. 

But thinking back on how Hamlet was before and how he is acting now… I am pretty confident that it isn't love that is making him seem like a crazy fool. (But that at least would prove that he loves me…why does he love me he is a prince and I'm… well I am me.) Okaaaay getting way to off topic and way into the subconscious panic zone.  Back to crazy boyfriend talk. How is crazy boyfriend talk the better alternative?  Proof that life sucks… Maybe I should write a book.

The misadventures of Love and Life. 

Ya maybe not. 

But Hamlet used to be so wonderful.
Even though he was at the university. 
As a prince. 
Surrounded by perfect, beautiful girls.

He still made an effort to text me good night every night and good morning, every morning (his morning, which was usually around 1 in the afternoon.) But the point is, he still tried. He came back for my birthday and threw me a surprise party. Everyday he floods my Facebook with cute little quotes. He attempts to be interested in the things I am interested in. He tries to get along with my friends. Sometimes he tries to get along with my dad… Usually he just stands behind him as he lectures us and makes faces. But sometimes he makes an effort. Sometimes he even talks sports with my brother. Laertes hates him, but they play lacrosse together during summer so they are at least cordial. Hamlet used to be the epitome of a perfect boyfriend. When my mom died he was supportive, but not overly protective and he tried to make everything better.   He understood that saying sorry really does not make anything better and he honestly tried to help me.

Now he is a mess. Ever since his dad died, he has seemed off.  If it were just mourning I would totally get it.   Normally he tells me what is going on in his head so I have some idea of what to expect. Now I am not even sure if he knows what he is going to say or do next. I get that his family is a little messed up right now. I mean his mom did marry his uncle a month after his dad died and then they want Hamlet to not only be in the wedding, but to be happy for them and to stop wearing black and mourning. Even I think they are being ridiculous. But Hamlet is moody and unpredictable. When he calls, I don't know if he will be okay and just talk to me like normal or will be screaming obscenities into the phone. He won't even let Horatio help him.

I wish I could help him. Hamlet, Horatio, and I have been best friends for as long as we can remember and never have I ever had a problem understanding him. 

Now I can't even reach him.

I have called.
I have texted. 
I have messaged him on Facebook. 
I have commented on his insta- posts.
I have commented on his Facebook statuses. 
I have commented on his Vine posts.
Hell -- I even tried emailing him. 

Normally I think we are all in the same game just different levels and we all live in the same hell just have different devils. 
Now I think Hamlet has his own hell and I don't know how our relationship is going to survive it.
Just when we were finally happy together with no drama.
I guess John Green was right in The Fault In Our Stars.
Time is a slut. It does screw everyone. 

"It's not the end. It's the beginning."

Life has an end and a beginning, everything in the middle is just a transition. 

This week my english teacher has returned the essay's we wrote and would like us to fix the biggest flaw in our essay. My biggest flaw was sloppy and clumsy transitions. Below I have posted the end of my first paragraph and the beginning of my second paragraph verbatim of what I turned in, below that I will correct it hoping to soften the transition between the thoughts and the transition of paragraphs.

Original: 

She wishes to have all these sounds that’s she thinks are interesting in her head. Having the mental handicap made those with it unequal to those without, it highlighted that their intelligence was way above those of average intelligence.  Anyone who watched them would notice, the ballerinas who winced on stage at one noise, and collapsed at another, everyone watching understood they were more intelligent than the other dancers to have earned the mental handicap.

            Vonnegut also uses irony in describing how the Handicapper General creates equality to deal with the reality that some are much more graceful and physically talented than others. When Vonnegut writes that because the Handicapper General made all the ballerinas technique equal to those of everyone else, “They weren’t really very good – no better than anybody else would have been, anyway.” (Page 1) He brings to attention the concept of why we watch sports, or ballet, or look at art. We would not have the awe and interest of it if we had the ability to do the same things as those we are watching.  Watching ballet or professional sports allows us to admire the technique and skill of those different from us.   The irony is; that by creating equality by reducing everyone to the level of the least graceful and talented, the ballet is no longer worth watching.

Now edited: 

She wishes to have these sounds that she thinks are interesting in her head. Having the mental handicap makes those with it unequal to those without, highlighting that their intelligence is way above those of average intelligence. In the story Hazel and George are watching a set of ballerinas dance on the television, the other citizens in the town that Hazel and George live in also watching the ballerinas also notices the ballerinas who wince on stage at a noise in their intelligence handicap, and collapse at another noise, everyone watching understands they are more intelligent than the other dancers, to have earned the mental handicap. Many of the ballerinas have additional handicaps to the mental headset. 
              Being more intelligent than the other ballerinas is not in the only inequality the ballerinas have to face. In this society where everyone is equal, ballerinas who earn solos by being more graceful or stronger than the other ballerinas have to be brought down to the level of the other dancers. Vonnegut also uses irony in describing how the Handicapper General creates equality to deal with the reality that some are much more graceful and physically talented than others. We see this when the Handicapper General makes all the ballerinas technique equal to those of everyone else, "They weren't really very good -- no better than anybody else would have been, anyway." (Vonnegut, 1) Vonnegut brings attention to the concept that we watch sports, or ballet, or look at art for a reason. We would not have the awe and interest of it if we had the ability to do the same things as those we are watching. Watching ballet or other professional sports allows us to admire the technique and skill of those different from us. The irony is, that creating equality by reducing everyone to the level of the least graceful and talented, the ballet is no longer worth watching.

While editing my essay I learned that if I over think while I write it will sound choppy and awkward, however, if I just write what I am thinking and then go back and read what I wrote out loud, not only am I more likely to find the awkward phrasing, but I am also more likely to find spelling and grammatical errors. 
I chose to edit my transitions because it was the most repeated mistake in my essay, and it is the most distracting from the reader's perspective. I did not find it particularly hard or difficult to revise this flaw because after reading the section out loud I immediately discovered the problem areas and after playing around with the phrasing in my head with a few varieties I found my favourite which seemed the most natural and used that. This year in my english class I hope to be able to write more fluid, defined essays in a shorter span of time. 

My title was a quote from Twilight.

Revenge is sweet and not fattening- Alfred Hitchcock

Revenge is a double edged sword.
It is a gun that when you fire it, it kills you too.
Revenge is the poison that heals you only to stick a dagger through your heart.

When Alfred Hitchcock said that revenge is sweet and not fattening, he was remarking on how the pleasurable things in life often are bad for you.  He also was saying that revenge often makes you feel better, at least initially.
When asked if revenge ever makes sense, I automatically want to say no simply because I know revenge is never a "good" thing. However, that does not answer the question of whether one ever should engage in revenge. Revenge will always make sense to the person seeking it. No one wakes up one morning and decides to go shoot up a school because it feels wrong.  Every act is performed in the moment and it will always feel right when committed. Everyone has done something and then regretted it and wished that it had never been done. But they still did do it, and when they did it, it seemed like the right thing to do. So revenge does make sense at the moment, but then it so often comes back to cause more harm to the person who acted vengefully; it is "to stick a dagger through your heart."
However, just because revenge makes sense at the moment does not mean that revenge is ever justifiable or right. Hamlet wants to revenge his father's murder, to him doing whatever it takes to avenge that death would seem like it is his moral obligation. However, killing the innocent in order to punish the guilty is a moral sin. Had the play ended differently and had Hamlet not died, his actions would have caught up to him and he would be miserable for the rest of his life.

Obama has a Hamlet problem

The national myth of the United States is that everyone is equal or should be treated equally.  But we don’t act on it.  Inequality is ubiquitous.  President Obama ran on a platform of equality, and the health care reform legislation was supposed to reduce inequality by providing affordable health care for all.  In order to want to run a country that is as deeply conflicted, as huge, as powerful, and as complicated as America is, one would have to be a little bit insane. And in order to be elected, that person would have to spend the greater portion of two years attempting to appeal to the majority of the nation, and the better portion of one’s life positioning oneself to have that much power. Appealing to everyone is impossible because the populace has such opposing views that pleasing some will inevitably one thing annoy others.  Hence, Obama has a Hamlet problem:  he must be crazy, and he doesn’t realize it.  Perhaps worse, he’ll have to compromise many of his most fundamental values.  Anyone who is trying to exert power in such a large nation cannot stay rigidly true to his or her own values; the leader will have to bend to conform to the wishes and views of others.  The leader must be radical enough to catch the attention of the public but not so radical that people will lose confidence in the leader.

One who aspires to leadership over a large number of people has to have enough of an ego to say and to believe that he is impressive, and important enough to run the “greatest country.”  Having that ego and then attempting to step back to separate oneself and focus only on what would be for the greater good of the country, not the greater good of one’s reputation, becomes very difficult.

We all have a responsibility to think about government and to try to make a difference.  In a country of 250 million people, the action of any individual citizen is just a drop in the ocean.  It’s futile for any one person to try to change the government.  But if everyone believes that it’s futile, no one will do anything, and democracy will not work.  Another problem is that some of the electorate are crazy.  The efforts of the crazy people are what brought the government to a standstill lately.  If you’re smart and think things through, the actions of the citizenry to control those are power are good.  But when silly, ignorant, or highly emotional people try to govern, or to control those who govern, they end up having a childish argument, which is what we are seeing in government now, and things go boom. 

Waiting For Superman --- Daughtry

She’s watching the taxi driver, he pulls away
She’s been locked up inside her apartment a hundred days

She says, “Yeah, he’s still coming, just a little bit late
He got stuck at the laundromat washing his cape”
She’s just watching the clouds roll by and they spell her name like Lois Lane
And she smiles, oh the way she smiles

She’s talking to angels, counting the stars
Making a wish on a passing car
She’s dancing with strangers, falling apart
Waiting for Superman to pick her up
In his arms, In his arms
Waiting for Superman

She’s out on the corner trying to catch a glimpse
Nothing’s making sense
She’s been chasing an answer
A sign lost in the abyss, this Metropolis

She says...Yeah, he’s still coming, just a little bit late
He got stuck at the Five and Dime saving the day”
She says...If life was a movie, then it wouldn’t end like this
Left without a kiss
Still, she smiles, the way she smiles, yeah

She’s talking to angels, she’s counting the stars
Making a wish on a passing car
She’s dancing with strangers, she’s falling apart
Waiting for Superman to pick her up
In his arms, In his arms
She’s waiting for Superman

To lift her up and take her anywhere
Show her love and climbing through the air
Save her now before it’s too late tonight
Oh, like a speeding light
And she smiles

She’s talking to angels, she’s counting the stars
Making a wish on a passing car
She’s dancing with strangers, she’s falling apart
Waiting for Superman to pick her up
In his arms, In his arms
She’s waiting for Superman

To lift her up and take her anywhere
Show her love and climbing through the air
Save her now before it’s too late tonight
She’s waiting for Superman