Dear life, you suck.
So you know when you have those days when nothing is going your way and everything sucks, and clearly the world is plotting against you? Well, I am having one of those days and the cause of the problem is my boyfriend.
Don't get me wrong -- he is wonderful and all. But today he freaked me out…
He ran into my room.
Without announcing himself.
Without texting me first.
Without any explanation.
Rude much?
So, he burst into my room and ran over to little old unsuspecting me. He grabbed my wrist (which, by the way, hurt like hell) and then proceeded to grab my upper arm so he had a (very) firm grasp on my entire arm. But then he kinda just stared at me. His eyes searched my entire face and he just stared at me and stared and stared almost as if he was trying to memorise my face or look at it for the last time.
Gosh I hope he isn't suicidal.
Then he shook my arm as if making sure it was real.
Then he sighed. Not like a breath.
He sighed as if everything bad in life had disappeared.
Then he released me and turned his body but not his head.
That doesn't even make sense but that's what he did. He turned but never took his eyes off of me.
He just continued to stare at me with lifeless, empty, brooding eyes. Then he walked out of my room while looking at me. I mean he literally just stared at me and walked out.
It is creepy really. Almost romantic… no it was really quite creepy.
Trouble in paradise really is an understatement.
I tried going to my dad about it… That backfired.
He tried telling me that the only reason Hamlet is acting out of the norm is that he is in love with me. Which would be sweet if it were true. Or if Hamlet wasn't freaking me out.
But thinking back on how Hamlet was before and how he is acting now… I am pretty confident that it isn't love that is making him seem like a crazy fool. (But that at least would prove that he loves me…why does he love me he is a prince and I'm… well I am me.) Okaaaay getting way to off topic and way into the subconscious panic zone. Back to crazy boyfriend talk. How is crazy boyfriend talk the better alternative? Proof that life sucks… Maybe I should write a book.
The misadventures of Love and Life.
Ya maybe not.
But Hamlet used to be so wonderful.
Even though he was at the university.
As a prince.
Surrounded by perfect, beautiful girls.
He still made an effort to text me good night every night and good morning, every morning (his morning, which was usually around 1 in the afternoon.) But the point is, he still tried. He came back for my birthday and threw me a surprise party. Everyday he floods my Facebook with cute little quotes. He attempts to be interested in the things I am interested in. He tries to get along with my friends. Sometimes he tries to get along with my dad… Usually he just stands behind him as he lectures us and makes faces. But sometimes he makes an effort. Sometimes he even talks sports with my brother. Laertes hates him, but they play lacrosse together during summer so they are at least cordial. Hamlet used to be the epitome of a perfect boyfriend. When my mom died he was supportive, but not overly protective and he tried to make everything better. He understood that saying sorry really does not make anything better and he honestly tried to help me.
Now he is a mess. Ever since his dad died, he has seemed off. If it were just mourning I would totally get it. Normally he tells me what is going on in his head so I have some idea of what to expect. Now I am not even sure if he knows what he is going to say or do next. I get that his family is a little messed up right now. I mean his mom did marry his uncle a month after his dad died and then they want Hamlet to not only be in the wedding, but to be happy for them and to stop wearing black and mourning. Even I think they are being ridiculous. But Hamlet is moody and unpredictable. When he calls, I don't know if he will be okay and just talk to me like normal or will be screaming obscenities into the phone. He won't even let Horatio help him.
I wish I could help him. Hamlet, Horatio, and I have been best friends for as long as we can remember and never have I ever had a problem understanding him.
Now I can't even reach him.
I have called.
I have texted.
I have messaged him on Facebook.
I have commented on his insta- posts.
I have commented on his Facebook statuses.
I have commented on his Vine posts.
Hell -- I even tried emailing him.
Normally I think we are all in the same game just different levels and we all live in the same hell just have different devils.
Now I think Hamlet has his own hell and I don't know how our relationship is going to survive it.
Just when we were finally happy together with no drama.
I guess John Green was right in The Fault In Our Stars.
Time is a slut. It does screw everyone.
